A step back in time

Have you ever sat and thought , i mean REALLY thought of what things were like when you were a child. What games you played or friends you had?

When ever i think of my childhood, non of them come into mind first. I mean of course i played games and i had some friends but they arnt what i think of straight away.

Can you
remember the first memory. Take your mind back to when you were 5? what do you remember? 4? anything? 3? Hmm get harder doesn't it. I think my first memory and I'm not even sure if it is true. I was in a shopping center, my mom was giving me a dummy, but i kept flushing it down the toilet. Also for some reason a five pence piece keeps cropping up. Not the new ones like we have now it was the real old one that was the size of a 20p. That's as far back as i can remember.

remember the accident, which i had on a bus. I remember the brakes been hit and me on the top deck flying forward and banging my head. For some reason the way i see it in my mind is my head goes between my legs and hits the back of the chair! Who knows if this is right.

My next memory is of been at my next door
neighbours dancing for 50p! The song is in my head but i cant remember the name. I can remember giggling and laughing to it as i danced.

One of my most hurtful memories i think is watching my dad walk away. I was 6, my elder sister was 9 i think and my
lil one 3. I had no shoes on and was carrying my lil sis whilst trying to run to keep up with him. Screaming dad as he walked down the road with his briefcase. He never faltered in his walk, never looked back or stopped to tell us to go home, he just walked as if we were not there. I try to imagine the look on his face, whether he was crying, whether he was seeing the pain and feeling it also. Did he want to stop and console us? Did he find it too hard to stop and say goodbye?
I understand that when parents split up whether its amicable or not they are hurt, angry etc but really when let that rub off on the kids? All that then runs through their minds is was it our fault! Did we do something wrong?
Bridges can be built across a river, but you cant forget its there!

Life was pretty much blurry then after that. Mom remarried. Dad moved away. For some reason it feels like it was years until we saw him again. I don't know if this is right but..i guess i wont ever know.


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