Simply untitled

As a child most people can recall who their friends were, what kind of 'click' they belonged to etc. Personally i don't think i had any 'true' friends, not in my early years anyways.
At first school i don't partially remember that many people i would play with however at middle school i remember a few. There were the twins, the girl that thought she was better than anyone else, spoilt and very self assured yet we were still 'friends'. The there were the few that you would talk to on occasion but wouldn't really play with them in the play ground, unless of course you were playing a game which involved a fair few people, like bulldog, or port starboard. Wow takes you back doesn't it.

I didn't even really have many people to play with on the street we lived either. There were the 3 sisters that lived down the road from us, roughly the same ages as me and my sisters. They were the type that seemed to want for nothing yet wanted everything. Birthdays with them were nightmares, always feeling out of place. However i did have my first sleep over at their house only to come home half way through. I cant really remember how we fell out, i remember it was something to do with their elder stepsister or cousin and her boyfriend. I remember my flip flop been smothered in dog poo and people laughing. What happened in between i have no idea.

Birthday parties wasn't something i often got invited to, other than the 3 girls down the road there was only one other that i went to. McDonald's and i think it was a film. I remember the girl saying wear trousers as everyone else will be, i remember i didn't! I like most girls then wanted or was made to wear a party dress...what a clown.

We never spoke to each other after middle school.

Middle school, was my favorite school i think. With the school building at the top of the grounds and the playing fields to the back going way way down. We use to sit at the end of the play ground telling ghost stories of all the things that happened there. Was very strange really as we were convinced the school was haunted anyway, the way the wind use to howl thought the hallways. I think i first noticed that when i was in my first school play. 12 days of Christmas. I was a french hen, oui oui! I hadn't rehearsed much as i wasn't really allowed to stay behind after school, but i knew my routine and i did it well, i just wish someone had been there to see it. Dint know i would have a blast from the past when i was in high school when one of the other parents that had videoed the production would be one of my social workers!

When we moved house there were new 'friends' to be made. Also my first boyfriend. We always seemed to move to places where we were deemed the 'poor' ones, the 'less fortunate' 'hard done to' and i suppose in a sense to the others 'scruffy' ones.

Those years i hardly played out due to been grounded the majority of the time. No i wasn't a bad child. I simply didn't go to sleep when told, or woke up too early. My task for two years, maybe more was washing up. I didn't do it right one time so as a punishment i was to do it everyday. As you can gather i HATE it now with a passion.

I use to watch from my bedroom window the other kids and my sisters playing in the summer evenings while i was in bed. Hosepipes would be squirted, water thrown and fun to be had.
It was the same in the winter, i would open the window a jar and watch the snow falling, i loved the way it made the whole area glow. I resented my siblings while we lived there. My elder sister because she was allowed up out of bed on a morning with my two younger ones. My little sister because she could do no wrong. Maybe I'm sounding sorry for myself but i always felt the black sheep, the one that didn't fit it. My elder sister got her bedroom painted black due to migraines, got a stereo and a PlayStation. My younger sister was allowed to play with it, i wasn't!

When i was grounded it was the same routine. Get up, get myself ready for school, walk to school no breakfast, (although we did on a very rare occasion). Come home from school and wash up. When i was in high school, do my homework in the hallway light as wasn't allowed my bedroom light on. Eat my tea in my bedroom, not with the family. Bed. If it was a Sunday it was bath night.

Weekends were worse as when your grounded your not allowed to do anything!!

So maybe that was one of my reasons why i didn't have very many friends. Who knows

Comments

  1. Keep writing, keep sharing.
    You are strong to have come through it.
    You are strong to have worked out how to have a good family of your own, created by you.
    You are good to be so forgiving of people involved.
    You are a wonder. Know it, feel it and move on to great things

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