It's How Life Is

This day 9 years ago i had spent a rough night up and down the stair, in and out of the bath with what i though was simple back ache from sleeping on the sofa. Little did i know it would be the day you entered the world, enter my life. It was a long labour of 21 hours! I remember going to the hospital and having to wait a few hours for you to show. 19.49 you showed, screaming your head off. You was so small a tiny 6lbs 6oz. You weren't suppose to show till 29Th Feb so a whole month early! You reminded me of a capuchin monkey the way you would lie with your hands cupped to your chest. I couldn't believe you were mine, nobody could take you away. You were an easy baby very rarely cried and were never ill. You would go to sleep on a night and wake up with teeth! I call that easy! You soon grew and did all your first milestones. Smiling, crawling, walking and finally talking! As a toddler you were chatting, shy and playful all in one. You loved Thomas the Tank Engine and would s...

As the 31st approaches fast, i find myself feeling more and more in a difficult situation where all i want to do is cry. I'm snappy and irritable as everyone around me seems to be getting on with their day to day lives as if nothing is wrong. I know that i cant expect people to feel what i feel as they are not the ones that are going through it. I thought i had got myself hyped up enough to stop it affecting me but its slowly creeping up. It hurts to know that i should soon be holding my baby instead I'm holding back tears :(

We all have 'those' relationships that we don't want to talk about. I think in my 28 years of life Ive had my fair share. I first 'thought' i was in love at the tender age of 16. He was my first. I should have known that it wasn't right really, when he never answered my calls and his friends were telling me he was seeing his ex behind my back. Ofc this was all true as i found out new years eve. So was this my journey onwards? was all my relationships to go on like this. Was i to become the one thing that i despised about my mom? Always taking the same person back because i loved them, or thought i did? Well i think for the first few then yes! The next was the guy in the army. I suppose i was his UK shag piece along with probably a few others. We were together for a year, use to go to his house all the time, drinking with his mom and his little sisters adored me. Once again...i was cheated on and this came about on my birthday! Best thing is his excuse w...

As a child most people can recall who their friends were, what kind of 'click' they belonged to etc. Personally i don't think i had any 'true' friends, not in my early years anyways. At first school i don't partially remember that many people i would play with however at middle school i remember a few. There were the twins, the girl that thought she was better than anyone else, spoilt and very self assured yet we were still 'friends'. The there were the few that you would talk to on occasion but wouldn't really play with them in the play ground, unless of course you were playing a game which involved a fair few people, like bulldog, or port starboard. Wow takes you back doesn't it. I didn't even really have many people to play with on the street we lived either. There were the 3 sisters that lived down the road from us, roughly the same ages as me and my sisters. They were the type that seemed to want for nothing yet wanted everythin...

Have you ever sat and thought , i mean REALLY thought of what things were like when you were a child. What games you played or friends you had? When ever i think of my childhood, non of them come into mind first. I mean of course i played games and i had some friends but they arnt what i think of straight away. Can you remember the first memory. Take your mind back to when you were 5? what do you remember ? 4? anything? 3? Hmm get harder doesn't it. I think my first memory and I'm not even sure if it is true. I was in a shopping center, my mom was giving me a dummy, but i kept flushing it down the toilet. Also for some reason a five pence piece keeps cropping up. Not the new ones like we have now it was the real old one that was the size of a 20p. That's as far back as i can remember . I remember the accident, which i had on a bus. I remember the brakes been hit and me on the top deck flying forward and banging my head. For some reason the way i see it in my min...

Today even though its been a productive day, having got nearly all the xmas pressies sorted i still feel a little down :( Next month will have been my due date, and instead of looking forward to cradling my lil baby I'm stressing on the fact that 7 month down the line I'm still not pregnant. A stress free month has brought on more emotions than normal. Is this due to the bottle of Lambrini i have drunk tonight?? Is it down to everywhere i look or read someone is pregnant ? So maybe I'm on a drunken (although i am not lol ) downer, a chance to feel sorry for myself. Having a stress free month who knows if its even worked. I don't even know if i have ovulated yet due to the fact i cant/wont/refuse to test! Stubborn much?? this month YES!!! I have many Friends on face book site that have all gone through the challenges of baby lost at different stages and sometimes more than once and i feel inadequate to some of them. I have no scan photo, i was only 4-8 week...

So I'm joining in with the lovely Kates Meme Tagathon . Its a little game where we answer questions we have been given, i will then tag other in it...watch for your tag! It is very simple to do and the rules are as follows 1) Answer the 10 questions and consider the mission. 2) Tag a blogger or two or more to do the same 3) Come back to my original blog post and tell me you have done the questions and answers . I have tried to make the questions Ok for those who watch the television programme and those that don’t. 1. What one thing about being a parent makes you scream “Get me out of here!” For me it would have to be arguing. My two argue like cat and dog and when your trying to sort it out and they scream on top of each other you can guarantee that's what your going to shout! 2. What skills, if any, do you have that would be useful in the jungle? I would be the ditzy blonde i think (although brunette atm ) I am often told i come out with the most funny statements...