It's How Life Is

This week has been a long week even if i do say so myself. Monday i was in hospital after having a Laparoscopy a Hysteroscopy and a dye. So feeling a little sore, bruised and down. This has come after so far 5 years of not been able to conceive. Umpteen tests, medication, seamen analysis, scans, poking, prodding, miss given information and plenty of circles been run around! When we initially went to see the fertility consultant he said nothing wrong and was just classed as secondary infertility, nothing more they can do all we can do is continue to try and go for ivf as that may be the best option. So that's what we decided to do . We went abroad last year in august to Menorca a week away with the boys, sea, sun sand and bliss! It was a challenge to save as its something we are really not good at, but by may we had paid off the holiday etc and all spends were sorted and new clothes. This meant we would be able to save the  £4000 (ish) that we would need for IVF .  So w...

After seeing my consultant today, i feel.......a little worried, a little apprehensive, yet a little like I'm on the road to another challenge. When my Dh when for his vasectomy reversal, we didn't get warned about antibodies killing off his sperm. Our consultant thinks this may be the problem, although not 100% sure, Tests are been done! Also due to my long cycles rearing their head after so long ( guessing the clomid is totally out of my system) he has decided i need another ovary scan. So that is all but booked in just waiting for the date. Until then i have been put on Metformin . A drug generally used for type 2 diabetics, although recent studies have seen it help women with fertility problems. We are on the road to either IUI or IVF , It seems that after 3 years with no luck that is the only option. There are a lot of pros and cons to look at when dealing with the treatment. The main factor is the cost! How expensive!!! Luckily i have opted for the egg share whic...

Are you a blogger who would like to make a difference? Did you know that around 1000 women die from breast cancer every month? One in eight women will develop breast cancer at sometime in their lifetime. It is important to note that men also get breast cancer. The good news is that more people are surviving breast cancer due to greater awareness, improved treatments and better screening. Kate on Thin Ice is looking for 90 generous bloggers to write about an important woman in their life in 90 words and to join in this blog hop. You can write about any woman that matters to you – a grandmother, a mum, a daughter, a friend, a blogger, a boss, whoever you wish. Posts can be as long or short as you wish. Find out more here . When Kate asked me to contribute to this i really had to think hard about whom i could write about. Who had influenced me in my life. Ofc first thoughts were my mom, an abusive second marriage, loss of her children to adoption through this marriag...

A bit of a sad one but i think its a good reminder of my lost bean JJ and very well written. what makes a mother i thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to god today, i asked, "what makes a mother?" and i know i heard him say: a mother has a baby, this we know is true but, god, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you? yes, you can, he replied with confidence in his voice, i give many women babies, when they leave it is not their choice. some i send for a lifetime, and others for the day, and some i send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay. i just don't understand this god, i want my baby here. he took a breath, and cleared his throat, and then i saw a tear. i wish i could show you, what your child is doing here... if you could see your child smile with other children and say, "we go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but my mommy loved me so much i got to come straight here!" i feel so lucky to have ...

So I had my last appointment at the Epu on Friday, I know I'm a little late in sharing my good news with you , but have been so busy. Anyway all was good new's! NO! in fact it was GREAT! news. It seems the antibiotic they gave me worked...why they couldn't have done that 10 weeks ago i will never know, but to hell with it it worked. The only down fall was that i would maybe have to wait 4-6 week more! for a period. That's like nearly 2 more month!!! Arghhhh. So comes home Friday does the weekly shop, pay the bills etc with kids in toe as they had another teacher training day. Comes to Friday night and OMG the brown stuff is back!! I had been clear for like 3 days! Typical it would come back when i finally no longer need to go to epu. So tell the DH who looks worried when i also mention i have slight tummy ache too. I know whats going though his mind. More trips to and from hospital, more weeks of 'sorry we don't know whats wrong'. So i make the decision if i...

Its been one of those days i tell you. One where if anyone else smiles nicely at you and ask's how your day is like everything is OK you are bound to stand up scream, shout and tear you hair out. Its not a good day! Its a shit day, not only is it the longest day of the year and supposedly mid summers day and someone forgot to remind the weather of this when i nicely got rained on, on the school run...but boy where do we start! Well as you know from my recent posts over the past few weeks i had a miscarriage 7 weeks ago. After an erpc my hcg levels weren't dropping how they should be and i was suffering from stomach pains and bleeding. My results from the erpc showed no pregnancy tissue was removed but a scan showed all was clear. So in the time of having my initial scan and the erpc i had 'passed' my bean. However this didn't explain why i was having these problems still 7 weeks after. So after numerous blood tests i was today given antibiotics as they think it ma...

So its been a weeks since i went to the EPU and had more bloods done to check my hcg. After been sent home with meds for my unexplained stomach cramps, and constipation tablets to counteract the 'side effects' of the pain killers and stomach protecters and anti sickness...blah blah yes when i walk im sure i rattle! Anyways i was told to do a hpt today and then return on the 21st for more bloods. So as you can see from the picture that is my result for today! Stressful or what! Its baffling me so much. My hcg last weeks was in the 900's so surly nearly 6 weeks after erpc they should be close to below 5 and if not at least showing faint on a hpt test. Oh and can i point out its a crappy on that the hospital gave me that measuers at something like 25ml. I just want to know what is going on now. So here's to waiting another 7 days to finanlly get some answers.

We all assume that making a baby is simple, or i did tbh. Boy meets girl, girl and boy fall in love, sometimes get married. They have sex, a period is missed, a pregnancy test is taken, tears of joy, swollen feet, sore boobies, expanding appetite and belly and finally a beautiful bundle of joy after 9 month. Boy can we be so wrong! It is no where near as simple as that sadly. I first started TTC (trying to conceive) after my DH had his vasectomy reversal done 26Th Jan 2011. A week after his operation we were back to DTD (doing the deed) 10 week later i got my BFP(big fat positive). Sadly as you may have read i miscarried at 5 week. However to actually get where i got took a lot of planning. Has anyone watched inside the human body the first part? Interesting i must say! So you only have a certain amount of time in your cycle where you can actually conceive. In a standard 28 day cycle you ovulate 14 days after the first day of your period. A few people do the SMEP (Sprem meets egg plan)...

It seems to be one of those days where i have the good old 'writers block'. Well to a certain degree i do. I have many things on my mind that i want to write about and i can write it all and then read it and I'm like hmmm...nah and scrap it. Its been a pretty rough weekend tbh. I attended what seems to be my second home on Sunday for more routine blood tests after my erpc on the 13th may, only to have to return later that night with sever stomach pains. Labour pains!!! bah they didn't have a notch on this. I was paralysed with the pain it was that bad. After sitting in A&E for 5 hours, a few more vales of blood taken i was sent home with Dihydrocodeine and Diclofenac. Felt sorry for my Dh as he had to be at work at 6 am that morning, we got in at 3.45! Sending my now drowsy son to bed i make a coffee and sat on the sofa wide awake. Typical. We spoke of what had happened in a&e, the wait times, the way they sit you in one room to wait and then move you onto the n...

Well all good news , or so I think so. Went for my second scan today and all is perfectly clear. There are NO retained pregnancy products there. Which is such a relief really. My hcg levels arnt dropping as fast as they would like but are dropping so that's good. Just have to repeat the bloods again in a few days to double check. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Today has been a mad rush if I'm honest. I don't feel like I have stopped. From paying the bills to shopping, to having to drink a pint of water to the scans . To been stabbed with a needle once again, I really feel like a pin cushion, to picking my son up from his 'adoptive' grandfathers, to visiting friends but constantly checking phone for news on blood results to coming home....breath....to feeding kittens, cleaning up, cooking tea and finally relaxing with a glass of wine whilst checking my mails and typing this blog, not to mention a few games of free bingo on che...

OK so as mentioned in earlier posts i have been doing pregnancy tests weekly to see if i get that negative, which tbh we all expect to get straight away after a miscarriage . Well i rang my local EPU yesterday as it just didn't seem right that i was getting a 3+ after the erpc . So today i went for my bloods doing to check the hcg . On the 12 Th May they were 2098 not classed as a viable pregnancy as the scan had already shown the collapsed sack etc and my hcg just wasn't rising as it should. Its not 1st June and my hcg is 2298 ish . So over 2 week and 3 days give or take one my hcg has leveled by 200 ish . I also got my results back from the erpc . NO PREGNANCY TISSUE was removed. This means my nightmare isn't over :( I still have JJ inside me...... or i have passed and this is a new pregnancy. Of course i would prefer the latter, but we don't always get what we want do we. So I'm booked in for another scan on Friday to determine if this is either...