It's How Life Is

Ive been slacking big time for the past few weeks! Had so much to do and not enough hours in the day. Finally only 3 weeks till the little darlings go back to school. I CANT WAIT! don't get me wrong they have their moments when they can be really good but whether its just me ( I'm starting to think so) but i clean one room, go to clean the next and the first room is a bloody mess again! Routine goes wooooosh straight out the window. No more up early for school, breakfast, hands, face teeth and dressed. Coming home from school and making sure their bedrooms are tidy. Bedtime at 8:30! Now its get up when they feel, play on computer or read till lunch then get dressed etc once their friends come to play and no bed till 9pm + So only 3 weeks left... Well nothing much has been happening in the gud ole Smith household. Have taken up to baking in huge amounts lol , Ginger biscuits and strawberry flavoured buns along with an eve's pudding were on the menu the oth...

A bit of a sad one but i think its a good reminder of my lost bean JJ and very well written. what makes a mother i thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to god today, i asked, "what makes a mother?" and i know i heard him say: a mother has a baby, this we know is true but, god, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you? yes, you can, he replied with confidence in his voice, i give many women babies, when they leave it is not their choice. some i send for a lifetime, and others for the day, and some i send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay. i just don't understand this god, i want my baby here. he took a breath, and cleared his throat, and then i saw a tear. i wish i could show you, what your child is doing here... if you could see your child smile with other children and say, "we go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, but my mommy loved me so much i got to come straight here!" i feel so lucky to have ...

I'm having one of those days today where you have to be optimistic. Had another blood test this morning will get the results no doubt when i go to the hospital of Friday. I've been going over the past 10 week in my head, what went wrong? Why did it happen? Was it something i did? Didn't do? But my biggest question is why has it dragged out soooo long. My oh my mother nature can be sooo cruel. So I'm hoping and praying that when i go to the hospital on Friday i get the all clear and am able to get on the band wagon again to ttc. The stomach pains seem to have eased as does the bleeding so that's a good sign....just waiting on the nasty witch to show her face! Although tbh she will be a blessing this month but....only for this month. So heres hoping its a new road to take....the ttc journey take 2! Coming up.....How to help conceive twin/multiples naturally..intrigued????

Its been one of those days i tell you. One where if anyone else smiles nicely at you and ask's how your day is like everything is OK you are bound to stand up scream, shout and tear you hair out. Its not a good day! Its a shit day, not only is it the longest day of the year and supposedly mid summers day and someone forgot to remind the weather of this when i nicely got rained on, on the school run...but boy where do we start! Well as you know from my recent posts over the past few weeks i had a miscarriage 7 weeks ago. After an erpc my hcg levels weren't dropping how they should be and i was suffering from stomach pains and bleeding. My results from the erpc showed no pregnancy tissue was removed but a scan showed all was clear. So in the time of having my initial scan and the erpc i had 'passed' my bean. However this didn't explain why i was having these problems still 7 weeks after. So after numerous blood tests i was today given antibiotics as they think it ma...

So its been a weeks since i went to the EPU and had more bloods done to check my hcg. After been sent home with meds for my unexplained stomach cramps, and constipation tablets to counteract the 'side effects' of the pain killers and stomach protecters and anti sickness...blah blah yes when i walk im sure i rattle! Anyways i was told to do a hpt today and then return on the 21st for more bloods. So as you can see from the picture that is my result for today! Stressful or what! Its baffling me so much. My hcg last weeks was in the 900's so surly nearly 6 weeks after erpc they should be close to below 5 and if not at least showing faint on a hpt test. Oh and can i point out its a crappy on that the hospital gave me that measuers at something like 25ml. I just want to know what is going on now. So here's to waiting another 7 days to finanlly get some answers.

Well all good news , or so I think so. Went for my second scan today and all is perfectly clear. There are NO retained pregnancy products there. Which is such a relief really. My hcg levels arnt dropping as fast as they would like but are dropping so that's good. Just have to repeat the bloods again in a few days to double check. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Today has been a mad rush if I'm honest. I don't feel like I have stopped. From paying the bills to shopping, to having to drink a pint of water to the scans . To been stabbed with a needle once again, I really feel like a pin cushion, to picking my son up from his 'adoptive' grandfathers, to visiting friends but constantly checking phone for news on blood results to coming home....breath....to feeding kittens, cleaning up, cooking tea and finally relaxing with a glass of wine whilst checking my mails and typing this blog, not to mention a few games of free bingo on che...

OK so as mentioned in earlier posts i have been doing pregnancy tests weekly to see if i get that negative, which tbh we all expect to get straight away after a miscarriage . Well i rang my local EPU yesterday as it just didn't seem right that i was getting a 3+ after the erpc . So today i went for my bloods doing to check the hcg . On the 12 Th May they were 2098 not classed as a viable pregnancy as the scan had already shown the collapsed sack etc and my hcg just wasn't rising as it should. Its not 1st June and my hcg is 2298 ish . So over 2 week and 3 days give or take one my hcg has leveled by 200 ish . I also got my results back from the erpc . NO PREGNANCY TISSUE was removed. This means my nightmare isn't over :( I still have JJ inside me...... or i have passed and this is a new pregnancy. Of course i would prefer the latter, but we don't always get what we want do we. So I'm booked in for another scan on Friday to determine if this is either...

Saturday 30 Th April, just one week of knowing, just 7 days of stroking and talking to my little ' JJ ' i woke at 5, did my usual Saturday morning routine, saw my DH off to work at 6 am and went to the loo before climbing back into bed. I wiped and it was brown. I had read that brown blood was OK . Tried to put it to the back of my mind but couldn't . Had slight back ache and cramps, but had that fo r the past few weeks and Dr said it was normal. However was in the emergency Dr's by 11 pm. 'Threatened Miscarriage ' not to worry unless it was gushing red and sever pain. So came home and within 5 minutes of walking in the door i was gushing red. We made our way to the A&E. Saturday night and been seen in 20 minutes is an all time record for me! I had internal with the biggest torch you had ever seen lol . I was booked in for an early scan. Cutting the story short, 2 weeks of hcg lvl testing and an ERPC on 13 Th may Friday 13 Th of all days! i h...