It's How Life Is

The road of IVF So 2017 brought us our first round of ivf. It's a surreal experience to say the least.   Such a roller coaster of emotions, one minute your up and then next your sat there crying at an advert because the girl on it made cupcakes to say sorry! It's a process that challenge your fears, opens your eyes and makes you see things in a whole different perspective. We started with our initial meeting where we spent an hour signing all our paperwork. This was basically to give permission on what would happen with our eggs that didn't quite become good enough, permission to freeze some if any were viable. To even transfer and etc, it all had to be signed for. Also to use the embryos should my husband die. This includes counselling. So with that we had bloods and a scan done too, then it was just a case of waiting for 1st day of cycle to begin. Drugs were delivered.  My big white box of little miracles. Cycle day one came....another...

So 3rd March brought us a day where we thought it would be our step forward, we would have all the answers, we would know which way we were heading. I suppose in a sense we do but first we have a huge decision to make........ or at least i do! We started the morning by chatting to each other on the way to the hospital, what did we expect to be said? In all fairness we both agreed that we thought they would say, nothing more we can do and IVF would be our only option. We were ready for that answer and excepting of it also. However that wasn't the case. We can do Ivf, that's not a problem. My fallopian tubes are swollen and twisted putting me at higher risk of ectopic pregnancy. I do have a slight chance of conceiving naturally, even though this hasn't happened in the 5 years since our miscarriage. If we went for the ivf although the egg will be implanted into my uterus the egg could 'migrate' into my fallopian tube and cause an ectopic pregnancy. Or fluid co...

Valentines day!, a day to celebrate the ones we love, the years we have spent with them. Do we really need a day for this? I cherish my husband everyday! I'm thankful for the things he does, the things he says and the way he is. I don't need one special day to do this. However that been said, i did buy him a card, i did wish him a happy valentines day and we will enjoy a nice meal together to celebrate the 11 yrs we have been together and the nearly 9 we have been married ! So my Darling Hubby, Because of you, I laugh a little harder, I cry a little less And smile a whole lot more! xx Happy valentines people. xox

 My grandparents on my fathers side, This was on their Golden Wedding anniversay, grandad would have been 100 now and grandma 96!  My husband dancing away on the old work bar, such fun in those days.  The only picture i have of me, my mom and my dad together!  My two gorgeous dogs Suki (collie) and Dexter (Jug)  My Great grandad on my moms side  Me and Hubby in Menorca Menorca family selfie! I have loads more that make me smile but these are my most fav today! Which makes you smile?

This week has been a long week even if i do say so myself. Monday i was in hospital after having a Laparoscopy a Hysteroscopy and a dye. So feeling a little sore, bruised and down. This has come after so far 5 years of not been able to conceive. Umpteen tests, medication, seamen analysis, scans, poking, prodding, miss given information and plenty of circles been run around! When we initially went to see the fertility consultant he said nothing wrong and was just classed as secondary infertility, nothing more they can do all we can do is continue to try and go for ivf as that may be the best option. So that's what we decided to do . We went abroad last year in august to Menorca a week away with the boys, sea, sun sand and bliss! It was a challenge to save as its something we are really not good at, but by may we had paid off the holiday etc and all spends were sorted and new clothes. This meant we would be able to save the  £4000 (ish) that we would need for IVF .  So w...

Its Christmas, not that you would know it. I think as the children get older the "Christmas spirit" is just lacking, no matter how many decorations you put up, or how much of a fuss you make. Our Xmas morning started promptly at 5.30am!! Yes you heard correctly! Even the dogs tried to hid back under the covers.  Master K had been up since 3.30am having awoken and not been able to go back to sleep. 5.30 he had woken Master L and was time to make a little noise as to wake mom and dad. We did get up and were unwrapped and cleaned up with bacon frying in the pan by 8. Only problem was we were starting to feel tired. Myself from having worked last night and Mr M from having been up at 5am, for work every morn. Needless to say, the working our ass off to pay for this Xmas has paid off, both kids are over the moon with there gifts. Its about this time though that you think of family that are far away (my sister and nephew and sis inlaw out on a trip of a lifetime to Australia )...

Have you tried the new lenor unstoppables?? Wow! They not only smell fresh but they also make your clothes feel that little bit softer. I received my trail pack from Savvy circle and couldn't wait to open it. It came with 20 single packets (to give to friends and family to try), a bottle all for me, conversation and friend questionnaires and money off vouchers. After giving samples away, i set about doing my own washing. Now i was a lil apprehensive as atm i am using comfort (it was on offer at an unmissable price ) and i have to say even with a different named fabric softener it still smells lush. So go out and buy it! long lasting, gorgeous smelling and available in 3 different scents.

Im Caroline Im married to my gorgeous hubby Mike. I have 2 beautiful children and cant wait for more. I have one angel baby whom i think of everyday. I'm simple and complex at the same time. Between two evils, I always pick the one I havent tried before. I'm extremly stubborn, and hard-headed.. I dont hold grudges. I'm am one to approach people I dont know. I'm usually quiet in front of new people. I'm not being mean. Get to know me, and you'll find out I'm actually really nice.. I sing in the bath. Ok maybe not on key I WAS a shitty person. I had a crap childhood, and lost two ppl dear to me I dont regret my past, as it made me who i am I'm a very patient person. I'm in the process of living my life. I'm always trying to find myself. Bath's are the best. I'm more trouble then I'm worth. I love it when it snows. I escape in art. Its my passion. I tend to have my head in the clouds. From what I hear I'm very...

The past two week have been hard weeks, losing not one but two family members in the space of 3 days to totally unrelated incidents. At times like this it makes you reflect on the things in your life, makes you wonder what is important, what isn't and what is just keeping you held back. Death i think is something we all don't really like to talk about let a lone think about, but when you are faced with two deaths one after this other you cant help but think about it and see it in almost everything. I know after hearing about their passing i kept thinking the worst for a few older members of my family or ones with health issues. Bad i know! Its not secret that my life hasn't gone exactly to plan. Growing up in an abusive situation from my babysitter, parents divorced, and then been in an abusive relationship, does take its toll i think. I think it can also hold you back in someways too. My struggles for the past 3 yrs ttc. Test after test and all to come back normal. M...

This week we will be having 2 celebrations. The first was yesterday my 6th wedding anniversary. How time flies!  Earlier on in the week we came across our home made wedding video, starting with my sister waking us with a camera in our faces, to the whole getting ready, vows and then the after party. It was a wonderful day with close friends and family.  It was the first time in anytime i can remember getting both my parents in a picture! Great picture i think, other than my eyes been closed when it was taken lol. So which do i look like?? My mom and dad haven't been together for over 20 yrs but it was lovely to know that they can both still be in the same room (even if they both deny it lol) My dad came with his now wife and their 3 children. No pictures of his wife as she didn't want to be in any which was a little disheartening but totally her choice, i know as I'm getting older i prefer my pictures not to be taken lol. We had only just got in contact not long b...

After seeing my consultant today, i feel.......a little worried, a little apprehensive, yet a little like I'm on the road to another challenge. When my Dh when for his vasectomy reversal, we didn't get warned about antibodies killing off his sperm. Our consultant thinks this may be the problem, although not 100% sure, Tests are been done! Also due to my long cycles rearing their head after so long ( guessing the clomid is totally out of my system) he has decided i need another ovary scan. So that is all but booked in just waiting for the date. Until then i have been put on Metformin . A drug generally used for type 2 diabetics, although recent studies have seen it help women with fertility problems. We are on the road to either IUI or IVF , It seems that after 3 years with no luck that is the only option. There are a lot of pros and cons to look at when dealing with the treatment. The main factor is the cost! How expensive!!! Luckily i have opted for the egg share whic...

Words atm can not describe how i feel, I'm hoping this picture may portray it! This is for my Dad! x

Blogging is something that i haven't been able to grasp hold of fully and jump onto the wagon. I find it a chore in some ways to have/want to blog everyday......however having dais that i love to write, and i love to write it in the exact way i am feeling it. I think from been in my  middle teens i learnt to say exactly what i felt when i felt it and not tip toe around things. In my opinion that is exactly how everyone should be. Yes it may hurt some feelings in a way, but if you are truthful in a way, wouldn't you prefer someone to tell you they either dislike you or you don't look nice in that dress, before you started a deep friendship, or stepped out the door? I know i would. But meh, maybe that's just me. People say that many people speak more of the truth ( although im sure it will be slightly babble and jumbled up) after a few drinks. Something to do with the alchol loosening your tongue...or something along those lines. I myself, don't really drink...

I don't seem to be able to keep up with this blogging thing and as you may have noticed it seems to come sparsely....however having said that i DO contemplate on blogging about something probably 2-3 times a week. I think i find it more of a venting machine, or someone i can pour everything out to when i feel like no one else is interested. I find that many people can be one sided. Maybe i don't amount to what they want as a friend/relation etc? Oh well i guess that's just how it is sometimes. We cant all be on the ball and ready to jump and the slightest whim. So whats been happening eh?? Well firstly my sister had a lil baby boy. It took me ages to meet him i have to admit, mostly because i think of my selfishness and stupid reasons, although at the time they were not to me. I had told lil sis that i didn't know how i would cope meeting him and wanted to leave it till i felt able too and she seemed fine with that. so that's what i did. When i did meet him.......

Today my little boy turned 10. Its hard to imagine that it was 10 yrs to this day that i gave birth to him. So much has changed through these 10 years. He has turned into a handsome young man. Tall, slim and a mouth liek a foghorn lol. Here's to another 10 years! Happy 10th Birthday Kian xxxx

So I was reading the daily mail on line as I usually do while tea is away cooking in the oven etc, when I came across an article " Think you are ready to have children ?". It intrigued me even though I am already a mom to a 9 yr old going on 29 and a step mom to an 11 yr old, however with the great wish to have at least 4 more children (if and when my body will snap out of its sulking mode) I decided to read on. Fair to say I was laughing out loud the whole time. The way its worded, the things they ask.........Yes its a fair question to ask. My response????? Hell yeah bring it all on!! Why not take a look for yourself? What do you think? (I must mention, this was found on a blogging sight and shown to the daily mail. Recently posted on Mamami by Chet . Test 1: Preparation Women: To prepare for pregnancy 1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. 2. Leave it there. 3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans. Men: To prepare for children ...

Today (15th October) is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. Its a time to remember all those Angels born sleeping, or never made it to their mothers arms, or did so but never made it out of hospital or worse still made it all the way home only to pass away at a later stage. Grief like this hits everyone. You don't have to be an Angel parent to participate. Baby loss is such a taboo issue with not many speaking of it, yet it happens to so many people. At 7 pm tonight all over the world people will be lighting a candle creating a wave of light for 1 hour to remember the Angels by.  I'll be lighting mine in remembrance of my lil baby i lost in April 2011 JJ.  Will you light one too??

Ive been tagged by Kate over on her blog to do a February sunshine award. I have to answer some questions then tag others, something to brighten up the dreary old Feb and will those flower buds to hurry up. So here goes..... Favourite colour:- Many years ago i would have said blue but i have to say its probably on an equal keen with pink :) Favourite animal:- Siberian Tiger. I have loved these for many years. Favourite non-alcoholic drink:- I would say orange juice but it has to have bits in :) I love the sweetness of it along with the tang Facebook or Twitter :- Facebook. I did try twitter but just couldn't get the gist of it, it didn't seem to fit with me. Favourite number:- i don't really have one but if i had to pick maybe 21. Not only was i born on the 21st, but 21 was a good age lol. Favourite day of the week:- Friday although i do dislike it at the same time. Its the one day of the week i get to spend with my dh, although we do have to go out and do the shopping an...

Kate on Thin Ice And Groovy Mums has tagged me in a Q & A meme. So the idea is that the person who tags you makes their own set of questions that they want answered. Then once you've answered them, you get to make up your own questions and tag your own favourite bloggers to answer them! That way...it never goes stale. 1. If you could wave a magic wand and change one thing about mums' lives today, what would it be and why? Hmm this one is easy i think, i would be able to super multi task and have eyes in the back of my head, lets admit it we need them. 2. How many hours or minutes of housework do you do per day? I probably do about 1 and a half hours every day apart from Monday which i spend about 4 hours doing a full weekly clean. 3. If you could change careers, what would you change to? I have had many from working in retail to modeling to atm childcare. The most enjoyable was working as a trainee lawyer, i think though i would love to be a midwife. 4. What ...

Are you a blogger who would like to make a difference? Did you know that around 1000 women die from breast cancer every month? One in eight women will develop breast cancer at sometime in their lifetime. It is important to note that men also get breast cancer. The good news is that more people are surviving breast cancer due to greater awareness, improved treatments and better screening. Kate on Thin Ice is looking for 90 generous bloggers to write about an important woman in their life in 90 words and to join in this blog hop. You can write about any woman that matters to you – a grandmother, a mum, a daughter, a friend, a blogger, a boss, whoever you wish. Posts can be as long or short as you wish. Find out more here . When Kate asked me to contribute to this i really had to think hard about whom i could write about. Who had influenced me in my life. Ofc first thoughts were my mom, an abusive second marriage, loss of her children to adoption through this marriag...